happypess:

Pinky Poo

Hello everybody, long time no talk. It’s me, Kahnor, Mister Demoman. I’m back for some more posting on this “Locker room” that you have here. I’ve become… disappointed at the TF2 community lately. Mainly the store. I know this is very old news, but it just is rather unbalanced. Why should rich people be able to buy the items, that dedicated players can NOT achieve. I know Valve needs the money to keep the servers going, pay for their new games, yatta yatta, but Honestly, their are better ways. I would appreciate if it were more of a donation shop. You donate, and get certain items at random. That would be nice…

Okay, you may notice that I havn’t been updating the blog. I truely apologize for that. I have gotten caught up in school work lately, and it’s pissing me off how much I have. I’ll try to update more frequently, but no promises can be made. Now, TF2 news wise, Me and a few others are in the Highlander competition… Including soviet. We are an elite team of ass kicking ninja nerds! buuuuuut we may lose. But keep your heads high my friends, for the battle is still ahead!

So let me give you a bit more personal info on myself. I go by Kahnor, kahnkahn, MrKahnkahn, Kahnor111, KAAAAAAAHN, Connor mcleod, Conan, Kahnor the barbarian, and Michael. I’m lazy, like to draw and write, I like waterslides, camping, zombie movies, and anything to do with Ireland. I hate posers, stereotypes, Large amounts of blood, Bad acting, crappy music, and loud music.

TF2 wise their isn’t much to say. I guess valve is busy with episode 3… oh wait. I guess valve is busy collecting hats. Yes hats. that is all for now my liyyle peons, thank you and goodnight!

-Kahnor “KahnKahn” Mclaughlin

It’s been pretty quiet when it comes to TF2 news, so for once I’ll put up some personal stuff rather than just news and goings-on in the Team Fortress Community. Still thinking of content to add to TLR, so in the meantime, take a look at some of my recent Adobe Photoshop CS5 creations.

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— John “Soviet” Cowie

Well, I know TLR has been a bit inactive lately, but honestly, I’m at a loss of what to write in anticipation for Polycount. Not only is the Highlander going to take some time out of my busy schedule, but school has resumed also and I must get set up with that.

So, I guess I’ll include some worthy links for you guys to occupy yourself… maybe a few good pieces of fan art you haven’t seen yet, and hopefully you can forgive me for the long wait. Rest assured that come Polycount I will have plenty of articles to add to the archives.

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LINKS: The TF2 Crafting Game, Top Tier Tactics Blog, ???

SOME RECENT TF2 FAN ART:

By KEISUKEgumby

By JayAxer

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If you have any suggestions, I’d love to hear them. Do you want an interview for something you did? Let me know by hitting FEEDBACK on the side-bar.

— John “Soviet” Cowie

Well, boys. That’s it.

Golden Wrenches #31, #14, #82, #22, #35, #66, #32, #27, #96, #48, #95, #29, #28 have been destroyed in the effort to raise money for sick children in the “Golden Wrench Destruction for Charity”. A whopping 30,000 dollars is the final amount, which is a massive achievement.

We all extend a huge pat on the back to the contributors. All of these heroes deserve a medal. But, we will not pretend that there will not be ramifications from this stunning event. The Administrator is always watching…

In other news, everybody should take a look at a few things TLR has missed: the community-submitted avatar archive is finally up as part of their Contribute! update and they are now commencing with the first-ever “Hat Describing Contest”, where you can decide how these hats came into existance and submit your own story. I’ll sure be submitting my own!

** This is my favourite so far, “From a semidystopian future where man, robot, and lobster live in quasiharmony, this lifeform came back in time to learn the ancient lost art of arsony.” -By Steel

This is the perfect chance for those without any mapping or modeling experience to get themselves heard in the community, and possibly earn some prizes!

— John “Soviet” Cowie

It is now nearly 300 years after the death of Zepheniah Mann…

Click here if you haven’t read the original TF2 history publishing on TLR.

Since then, Barnabus Hale has perished and through a long bloodline of savage Australian ancestry, Mann Co. has come under the control of his great-great-great-grandson, Saxton Hale. Times of war are on the horizon, as RED and BLU ( now under control of unnamed CEOs ), has reached the end of a very frail alliance.

The United States of America exists, as well as the nations in the rest of the wide world, however they are much different than we know in ours.

It is now the middle-ish part of a new century, somewhat like the one we just had. A simpler time. There are only three TV stations, one phone company and two holding corporations manipulated by an organization that secretly controls every government on the planet. Both of these shady corporations administers their territory with a multi-disciplined army of paper pushers, and for any conflict lacking an obvious bureaucratic solution, veteran mercenaries are contracted to address the situation with a massive application of force.

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Now, let’s meet the team…

THE SCOUT is a young gun from the Bronx in the United States with a fast mouth and even faster feet. He’s an energetic kid, who enjoys baseball and sprinting marathons. His main job is “hit-and-run” and evasive, on the offense, he can inflict massive amounts of damage before retreating to safety. Whenever you need a point capped, an intelligence captured, or a cart pushed, the Scout comes through. Being the youngest of his family and the underdog, he’s learned to think for himself, and he’s more than a bit cocky.

His original weapons include the scattergun, pistol and baseball bat.

THE SOLDIER is a psychotic patriot from the midwest United States, allegedly a Mr. “Jane Doe” ( which could be referring to the military term used to coin an unknown assailant ), he is the commanding presence of the team, and essentially, the bread and butter. With the firepower and stamina required, he’s the perfect choice for assault and leadership.

His history is a bit shaky, claiming to have been rejected from every branch of the U.S. military, he purchased his own plane ticket to Europe, training himself to fire a variety of weapons before proceeding to embark on a Nazi-killing spree. He was later awarded a number of war medals he designed and awarded to himself.

The Soldier resides in a heavily self-fortified bunker in an unknown location in the Badlands. It is heavily-fortified, with armholes in the 10-inch thick, reinforced steel plated door to snap the necks of would-be intruders. He opens it only to deliveries from Capt. Dan’s Army Surplus Soup, Guns & Haircuts Magazine and takeout from the Rib Place.

His original weapons include the rocket launcher, shotgun and shovel.

THE PYRO is an arsonist, fascinated by all things to do with pyrotechnics. His ( or her ) origin is still unknown. He ( or she ) is barely comprehensible to his ( or her ) teammates on the battlefield, but the enemy gets the message loud and clear, and hot. Weilding a home-made flamethrower, shotgun and fire axe, he ( or she ) is ideal for ambushing enemies and suicidal tactics. Whether he ( or she ) is even able to communicate is a mystery; a mouth, obstructed by a filter and attached to lungs ravaged by constant exposure to asbestos and other chemicals occassionaly makes a rasping, wheezing noise that could be muffled battle cries.

THE DEMOMAN, a demolitions expert hailing from the Highlands of Scotland, and known as “Tavish Degroot” of the Degroot clan, is best at… getting drunk. However, he is still the most versatile member of the team, ideal for defense, with short-range, unpredictable yet powerful assets that can tear enemy lines to several bloody bits. Even with an alcohol problem, the one-eyed, scrumpy-swilling, monster-bothering master of explosives can hold his own in a fight.

Tavish lives with his blind grandmother in a very illustrious mansion in the Badlands of New Mexico. His home is furnished in a Scottish-esque, with statues and fountains carved with great Scottish heroes, rolling green pastures of fake grass and beautiful marble walls. As he holds down 3 jobs, he is extremely rich and can afford to maintain this beautiful estate.

His original weapons include the grenade launcher, stickybomb launcher, and a whiskey bottle ( which is usually full of plenty of whiskey ).

THE HEAVY is a giant of strength and endurance, born in the glorious U.S.S.R. He may not be intelligent, but he has yet to meet one who can outsmart bullet and holds the biggest gun. Putting trust in brawn over brainpower, he is a beast of the defensive lines, mowing down enemies with ease, and usually followed by a well-trained doctoring comrade.

His original weapons include the state-of-the-art minigun, shotgun and his iron-like fists.

THE ENGINEER, a soft-spoken mechanical genius named “Delmond ‘Del’ Conagher”, comes from the southern U.S.A. with a bucket of scrap metal and bolts that he can easily use to construct a sturdy and reliable killing machine. His only objective is the defense of territory and intelligence. If he is able to keep his machines of death under good repair, nobody has a chance of breaking through the team’s lines. He uses a shotgun, pistol and monkey wrench, as well as the tools he needs to build his machines.

The possibly self-proclaimed MEDIC, born in Suttgart, Germany, may not have received his medical license from any credible doctoring school… if any. Nonetheless, he is the fallback point when the other team members get injured, using his medigun to heal gunshot wounds and broken bones. His objective is to keep out of fire, stay out of trouble and keep his team-mates alive and shooting. Once he has boosted the powerful UberCharge and it’s effect of invulnerability can he attach his beam to an offensive class and quickly become offensive himself, destroying Sentry guns, capping points and slaying enemies in great numbers before retreating back to the defensive lines.

His other original weapons include the syringe gun and bonesaw.

THE SNIPER, coming from the Australian outback, is a rugged crack-shot sharpshooter with a steady aim and quick reflex. His main job is to pick off enemies from a distance, provide cover, eliminate enemy snipers and kill the more well-guarded troublesome of enemies ( such as Medics and Engineers ), while keeping away from the hotspots. When things get too hot, he retreats to find a better vantage point before turning his scope on the enemy for more headshots.

The Sniper lives in a camper, and also owns a pick-up truck. His “home base” encampment is located on Thunder Mountain, where he returns after a long day of fighting to relax, and chug back on Australian swish. Being an outdoorsman, he is almost a ‘tramp’, roaming the countryside looking for assassination work.

His original weapons include the sniper rifle, submachine gun and kukri.

THE SPY, who originates from France, is an aficionado of sharp suits and sharper blades. He relies more on stealth and trickery than force by impersonating enemies to get close to key points, leaving most enemies off-guard and circling around them to plunge a cold blade deep into their backs. He can “sap” Engineer buildings, rendering them useless and move unseen when cloaked. When ( or if ) he is discovered he simply vanishes into the shadows and retreats to rethink his plan, sometimes lurking amongst the enemy for a long while to report movements and happenings back to his team.

His original weapons include the revolver, Electro-sapper device, and butterfly knife. His other tools include a disguise kit and self-cloaking wristwatch device.

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When contacted, these 9 mercenaries are controlled by the newest appointed Administrator, Helen, who is just as vindictive and evil as her predecessors and subtley pushes both RED and BLU where required in order to keep the control of the now industrialized America in equal ownership.

And yet, this industrialized America has changed in 300 years…

Next up: An in-depth report on the physical world behind the game.

— John “Soviet” Cowie

Yes! Item trading is official! It’ll be out soon… next month, to be exact! And to celebrate… I will list the top 5 times I wish they had item trading.

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1) The Engineer update

Let’s be serious… the Engineer achievements are hard! And extremely specific… either that or you have to play game-modes you don’t like. I am a capture the flag man myself, I don’t want to play payload!

2) The WAR! update

Honestly… think about it. You were on teams, and wouldn’t it have made sense to be able to help your fellow crew build up an arsenal for the war effort? This one would have been perfect!

3) In between class updates, in general

Okay… yes, this one is vague. But admit that it got boring when everyone else had an item you didn’t, and no one was willing to help you get it. It’s a Saturday night, and your hyped up on Mountain Dew. You see a new item… let’s say the Chargin’ Targe’… now you go open your friends list… achievement-whoring time, right?. You start to cry and scream when you see everyone playing Alien Swarm!

4) Last time I was having a LAN party

Okay, now imagine the last scenario… but now your sweaty friends are in your basement, eating your pizza rolls and hogging your dew. This guy is bragging about his stupid Sam and Max hat. You pick him up and give him the titty twister of his life… and he can’t give it to you. Ouch…

5) When L4D2 was announced

 It would have made sense! Here’s a new game… oh, and a TF2 update! Yay!

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That’s all for now. Oh, and I’d also like to say… DEMOMAN COULD KICK A SOLDIERS ASS ANY DAY!

— Kahnor Michael Mclaughlin

I’d just like to touch on where I was before, discussing how TF2 has become a service. This is the perfect example: Worms, developed by Team17 is not exactly the most popular game in the book, but using Team Fortress and a couple promotional hats and items on top of a Steam sale and your sales curve will skyrocket.

Developers new or attempting to return to the market can use this game to get sales, and get discovered. If you purchase Worms: Reloaded ( $19.99 ), before September 2nd you will receive a special hat called the Lumbricus Lid, which is a Solly hat and skin modifier which adds the Holy Hand Grenades to your belt.

It’s worth it, for sure, Worms is a turn-based war game where players control a small platoon of Worm soldiers across a side-scrolling map and try to defeat the enemy using a numerous arsenal of comical weaponry. It’s addictive. It’s fun, and the TF2 items only sweetens the deal!

** An interesting note: The “Hallelujah!” sound files from Worms now exist in the TF2 directory, but is currently unused. What are they planning?

Go buy it and get yourself a hat, before they’re all gone! Money is tight, but I’m trying to get mine…

— John “Soviet” Cowie

So, I’ve been trying to find good alternatives for posting on TLR, because I’ve well exceeded my monthly bandwidth and have to wait until September before I can download/upload again. Therefore, posts will be slow, unless Kahnor decides to stop procrasturbating, and publish some real material to TLR.

Anyways, I’ve come up with something that won’t require any pictures or videos, although I may add some demonstrations in the future so watch this post for updates. This is my compilation of the Top 10 TF2 glitches and exploits…

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1. LEVEL 3 MINI-SENTRY EXPLOIT: The easiest way to construct a Level 3 Mini-Sentry was to have the wrench equipped and Gunslinger unlocked. An Engineer would simply pull out a Sentry for placement with the Wrench out, then press “M” to enter the backpack and swap the wrench for a Gunslinger. Upon drop, the Mini-Sentry could be upgraded to Level 3. This method went unpatched for 4-5 days but was soon corrected.

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2. SENTRY-ROCKET JUMPING: The Engineer can still use this to reach impossible areas, and built Sentry guns above where enemy players would never expect. All that’s needed is the Wrangler. The Engineer only needs to jump on top of the Sentry gun and fire straight up while crouch-jumping ( holding down CTRL and pressing the space bar ), and he will “rocket jump” into the air similar to the Soldier using the rocket launcher. This exploit still works on the PC version of TF2.

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3. CART UPGRADING GLITCH: At one point, BLU Engineer’s were able to upgrade the dispenser stream on their cart, by hitting the pipe where health and ammo is dispensed with the wrench, causing it to dispense health faster and faster, and in larger quantities. I’m pretty sure this has been patched, but it may still work on the PS3 version.

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4. TELEPORT THE INTELLIGENCE: Using a well-placed teleporter entrance/exit combo, the class-in-question could use it to teleport the briefcase. This was done by pressing “L” to drop the intel almost inches away from the teleport entrance and then hopping onto the teleport and grabbing the briefcase seconds before the teleportation charge was completed. This worked best with Level 1 Teleport. This was patched in a standard TF2 update.

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5. DEMOMAN ACHIEVEMENTS GLITCH: When the WAR! update for Demoman and Soldier came out, you could earn Demo achievements by spectating the player who was completing them. This was quickly patched, of course. Fuckin’ demos.

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6. DOUBLE CLASS EXPLOIT: A very difficult and precise exploit, this one requires a bit of patience and luck as well. First, join a very full server, 2-3 spots left available, preferably 32-slots. Next, look for the most plentiful class in the server, usually this will be either Soldier or Pyro depending. Be that class, until the class reaches it’s limit ( in other words, nobody is allowed to play that class anymore, it’s full ).

Now, constantly switch, as fast as you can, between classes, let’s say Pyro and Spy, and just hope that nobody else goes Pyro in this time period. Keep going until your HUD no longer matches your class choice ( so, you’re a Spy, but the icon in the bottom left is a Pyro ).

You’re now a real SPYRO, with abilities from both classes!

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7. UNLIMITED BUILDINGS EXPLOIT: Using the developer console, “~”, in-game and typing the following commands: “build 0 x”, “build 1 x”, and “build 2 x”, then replacing the x with a large number, say “10”, you can increase the maximum amount of buildings possible to create. The number you replace with x will be that parameter. This is only usable with “sv_cheats 1” enabled or if you run the server.

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8. PERMANENT UBERCHARGE EXPLOIT: By choosing the Medic using a Kritzkrieg, you can give yourself a permanent invuln until the end of the round. Use the Krtizkrieg to fill up your charge meter, and deploy the charge inside of the team respawn room, then equip the Medigun and retrieve it from a locker before the charge runs out. This can also be done the opposite way to give yourself critical hits until the end of the round. If you stand beside a disnenser, or a payload cart, heal a teammate, or be healed by a friendly Medic, the charge will end.

And yes, this is considered hacking.

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9. FACE-STABBING: This is a glitch that occurs on random, and although Valve has attempted to patch it, it still occurs. Usually it happens when the Spy has relieved a random critical hit or the enemy player is walking towards the Spy while he swings his knife, and the blade catches the enemy player’s shoulder.

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10. TAUNTS GLITCH: Of course, everybody knows about this glitch. By pressing “Q” repeatedly to switch between your last selected weapon and then pressing “G” during the weapon switch you can taunt whilst holding a different weapon. For example, the Heavy swings his 150 kilogram Minigun around on his finger ( originally a shotgun taunt ). Damn, he’s strong!

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First of all, let me just say, I don’t condone hacking or glitch-gaming. You should play TF2 how it’s supposed to be played. Save these for an offline server if you’d like to make some crazy YouTube videos or something, but please don’t hack.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this quick little compilation. Again, I apologize for the lack of content, but if you’re still awaiting part 2 of the TF2 storyline history research I wrote up, it’s still hidden in drafts and I’ll release it much sooner than planned if at least 3 people “heart” this post. If not, I’ll release it in a couple of days. :P

— John “Soviet” Cowie

So, Team Fortress 2 turned 3 years old this week, on the 19th to be exact. And another celebration is forthcoming, as the Team Fortress series turns 14 years old on August 24th. Happy birthday, TF2!

Now, I have a few things to talk about that don’t involve item reviews, nonsense and other such things the blog is devoted to. Let’s lay all that aside for a second. I’d like to speak about Team Fortress 2 as it is, a product. And yet, doesn’t anybody notice how much effort, planning and thought has been put into this remarkable game?

Think about how goddamn balanced it is; how much back-breaking work must have been poured into it, how many people have given their time to creating such an amazing game that has been an adrenaline rush to play for so many years; the unique style of cartoon-ish graphics, distinct personalities and looks for each character and the differences in both team’s architecture.

I’d like to think that in 30 years from now, when gamers and game developers look back at the games from the past, they’ll see Team Fortress 2 as a landmark title. You know? Kind of like the way gamers see the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time today! I wouldn’t be surprised if after the team stops updating the game, they plan a massive update for release 10 years down the road, when TF2 reaches the same classic feeling as TFC has now.

TF2 is probably the first game to move on from a product, and become a service.

When I took a look at Steam Stats I saw that about 16,000+ people were playing TF2, when only about 200+ were playing TFC. I never want TF2 to die like this! So, here’s my official word on the matter: I would pay for updates.

Which brings me to my plan. What plan, you ask? I call it “the road to glory”. You see, while most TF2 players will hang up their hats and call it a game, I’ll keep playing in offline practice, ever seeking more refined metal so that one day, when you’ve ALL uninstalled the game and given it up, I’ll be sitting here on TLR with a backpack filled with every possible hat and item. So that when gamers look back, they’ll put me in the Gamer Hall of Fame for “that guy who got every hat and item in TF2”.

Well, except the promo items and the Golden Wrench. But, I don’t have a Golden Wrench and I don’t give a damn!

That is my ultimate PC gamer goal in life, but don’t get me wrong, I’m not some loser who sits on a gaming chair all day long and hammers hours and hours into the game. I only have 200+ hours from the beginning! Although, it is gonna increase, because I’ve started playing a lot more this summer…

The progress of this incredible marathon will be tracked every step of the way on TLR, no matter if you are reading this or not. It’s a personal record, so that I can show my admirers just how far I came to owning every single item. Who knows? Maybe someday, I’ll get something as a tribute to me and my work.

Just know that, no matter how far apart the posts become, I will never give up writing here unless I die or come forward with a farewell message to you guys.

Or maybe I’m just talking crazy from being up this late, eating ice cream.
G’night, folks!

— John “Soviet” Cowie

JayCee’s backpack ( as of August 19th, 2010 ).
** Class organized

So, I emptied my fuckin’ backpack for nothing, because the hat I received for my hard work and item collecting was the Soldier’s Stash. I finally got fed up with the item count and crafted all my items to pull in 5 refined metals, and a Soldier token, but this was really disappointing. I wanted the Kabuto.

Anyways, I got a trade lined up for Ushanka, so hopefully I’ll get that instead.

Interestingly, after crafting my first hat, all if any of the Hat Fever I was experiencing is over. I’ll still attempt for more hats because I still play TF2 and I may as well anyway, right? But, the race to obtain my first real hat is over, and now I’m just ready to concentrate on killin’ motherfuckers.

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In other news, TF2 updated yesterday and added a few interesting things. First of all, they changed the Engineer’s music again, and it’s almost back to it’s own roots. You can listen to that here, if you haven’t heard yet.

Although, I strongly recommend you download the original song and place it in your music directory in steamapps.

Also, the Spray resolution in Source games has been raised to 512x512 pixels. They will still be the same size but the quality has been given a significant boost.

— John “Soviet” Cowie